I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
