You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize