Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
