i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
