we have pet lesbian snakes
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
