i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
