Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
