I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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