So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
