one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
