I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
