I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
