hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
