He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
