my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
