Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
