so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
