I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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