My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
