im about as happy as oj after his trial
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Drake has all the answers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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