If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
