just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
