how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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