Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
