im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
