Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
