i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
