Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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