He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
