i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
