Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
