I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
