Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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