you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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