And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
