pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
