I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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