my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize