so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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