Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
