You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
