shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
