took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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