Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
