some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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