Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
