I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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