How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
