probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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