im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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