so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
