Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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