Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
