im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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