sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
