I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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