a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
