How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
