the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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