My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
