how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
