Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
