Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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