There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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