And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
