new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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