I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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