I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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