You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
