Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
