Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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