Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And then my night got REAL pukey
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
