OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
