Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
