i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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