I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
